


Nothing Else To Lose

by bberrybbang



Category: Love - Fandom, Minhyun - Fandom, NyeonJjaen - Fandom, WIN:D, Wanna One, Wannable, jaehwan - Fandom, nuest, wind - Fandom, ㄴㅇㅅㅌ
Genre: Christmas in July I guess???, Happy ending???, M/M, Smut, supposed to be a Christmas Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 23:59:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19779103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bberrybbang/pseuds/bberrybbang
Summary: What to chose? A love that was long forgotten or a career you never really liked?





	Nothing Else To Lose

Busy streets. Shinning lights. Children’s laughter fill the air. The cold breeze of winter touching people’s skin making their cheeks pink. Lovers walking hand in hand with smiled on their faces. Christmas carols that makes the day more festive. It’s indeed Christmas time. For kids, it’s the time they would receive presents and money from their relatives and parents. For adults with a special someone, it’s the time they would spend a warm evening with the one they cherish the most. 

For Kim Jaehwan, it’s just another busy day. Trying to meet deadlines. _Deadlines._ He hates deadlines. If only he could leave this terrible job he has. But he can’t. Not at the moment. The man took a rest for a little while. Just a little. It wouldn’t hurt right? He remove the gold circular glasses he was wearing and stood up. His post is near the window. He peeped from the window and saw the city lights. And the traffic that was caused by the over flowing vehicles in the street. Probably people who would be going home, to their loved ones to celebrate Christmas. _Home._

_Home_

When will he find his own home?

“Ahhhhh” He ruffled his hair in frustration. Was he frustrated that he suddenly felt lonely? Or was he frustrated that he needs to finish the payroll on Christmas Eve? Maybe both. Maybe.

He stared again at the window. This time, his eyes noticed the big yellow moon. He stared at it for a while. Maybe a minute or two had past, and he felt something hot dripping down his cheeks.

A tear?

Is he crying?

_보고싶다_

He whispered. Trying to pour out all his feelings. He stared once again. Trying to remember how _that person_ looked like.

_Buzz! Buzz!_

Suddenly his phone is buzzing. He went back to his chair, but ignored the phone. It’s probably the bank telling him to pay for his credit card dues. It buzzed for 6-7 times. Which is weird. He never receives messages other than bank messages or scammers telling him he have won something. He still ignored it and continued, crying, typing and computing for the payroll.

_Buzz! Buzz!_

This time the buzzing continued. It must be a call. He finally took a his phone and checked who was calling. It was Daniel. Why the heck would Daniel call him at this moment? Confusion flooded his mind. Did he had a fight with Seongwoo? But that would be impossible, both of them wouldn’t hurt each other? Did something happened with Seongwoo? That’s possible! What could have happened with his bestfriend. He suddenly got scared and immediately answered the call.

“H-hello” His voice was shaky and emotional already.

“Man, uh? Why do you sound sad? Are you crying?” The hoarse voice of Daniel with a hint of laughter comforted the anxious Jaehwan. Maybe Seongwoo is doing fine. They are fine.

“Uhh.. no.. why did you called?”

“Aah! Can you fetch Minhyun? He’s drunk. He is here at my apartment. Seongwoo’s passed out already. I can’t take care of two drunk boys”

Drunk? Why is Minhyun drinking? He isn’t the type who drinks.

“Hwang Minhyun hyung?”

“Who else do you think?”

“Ahh.. it’s.. ahh”

“Jaehwan, just fetch him. He kept on mumbling he wants to spend Christmas with you. And he was crying. Just.. ugh” He heard Minhyun mumbling something at the background. And Daniel shouting back something. “Please, Jaehwan, I can’t take this drunk Minhyun forever. It has been 2 years already. You two just man up and settle what has happened to the both of you.” And with that the call ended.

Notifications of the messages he received earlier flooded his screen. All of them are text messages from his favorite notification. It has been years since he have seen him on his notification tray.

He tried reading the messages one by one. Most of them were about how the older misses him. And how they should have made up. And how they should have loved and cared for each other.

He looked at his phone then on his computer desk. He’s going to choose one. And he knows that he’ll have his regrets after. But he needed to take a risk. And he already knows what he would chose. He can never afford to lose that again.

Grabbing his coat, and bag he run as fast as he can. He had never run like this during soccer competitions. He run as if his life was on the line. His life was already on the line. Ever since that day happened. As he run, what happened 2 years ago flashed before his eyes.

**2 Years Ago**

“Jaehwan-ah!” The raspy voice of his hyung awakened him. Most of the time, his Hyung’s voice sounds sweet, but today, it sounded rough. Maybe because of the rough night they had. It’s not that the older’s raspy voice sounded bad but Jaehwan is not used to that sound.

“I want to sleep more hyung. Let me” Jaehwan covered himself with the blanket and pillows. “Ahhhh~ Jaehwan-ah” Jaehwan felt the sheets became heavier. Minhyun tried to uncover the sheets and looked at Jaehwan’s face. “I cooked breakfast, stop being lazy. Let’s eat together”

“Hyung! Can you stop saying “together” everytime. We all know that we can’t be together after graduation.” Minhyun’s heart sank. He made plans for their future together. He already told Jaehwan a million times that after graduation they’ll get an apartment together. And look for jobs at the same area. But it seemed, Jaehwan has other plans.

Jaehwan pushed Minhyun away. He kept on pushing him further away as their graduation comes near. On their graduation day, Jaehwan, cut all his ties with Minhyun. It was the last day that they ever talked. It was a painful goodbye. It was a memory none of them likes.

_“Stop talking to me. You just like me around because it makes you feel good. Because next to me, you look great. You look responsible. Don’t you know I’m hurt everytime people would compare the both of us? Stop talking to me. I don’t want to be your friend anymore”_

Jaehwan knew he ruined the thing they had. It wasn’t because he truly felt that way but he was scared. He was scared that Minhyun will eventually leave him and realize that he was a useless person. So before Minhyun could leave him, he left Minhyun.

And he regretted it.

Regrets.

Without Minhyun, Jaehwan couldn’t be the sunlight he used to be. And he wants to change it. He wants to make it up to his hyung. It’s a now or never kind of thing. It’s either he’ll loose Minhyun forever or be miserable forever.

_Ding! Dong!_

The door opened immediately. Daniel was the one who opened the door. As Daniel opened the door, he saw a sweaty and out of breathe Jaehwan. “Where’s Minhyun?” Jaehwan didn’t waste anytime. He can no longer waste time.

“Uhh... insi—“ The boy with fluffy cheeks didn’t wait for Daniel to finish his sentence. And went inside already. He saw a really drunk Minhyun on the floor. “Hyung” Jaehwan breathed. The older was pouting and scrunching his face. Jaehwan has no idea if Minhyun was trying to be cute or feeling uncomfortable. The older lifted his head and opened his foxy eyes, to be welcomed by a sweaty (but shinning and dazzling in Minhyun’s eyes) Jaehwan. “Jaehwanie!” Minhyun pressed his lips in a thin line and extended his arms like how baby does when they want to be carried. Jaehwan shook his head but obliged to the request. “I thought you wouldn’t come. I got scared”

“I’m here already. Don’t be” Jaehwan hushed the older. But the older continued to sulk. It’s the alcohol’s effect Jaehwan believed. Jaehwan decided to take a cab. But since he rushed to Daniel’s apartment he forget to take his wallet. He checked the pockets of Minhyun, fortunately, for Jaehwan (unfortunately for Minhyun) he found Minhyun’s wallet. Minhyun mumbles “Don’t touch me there.” Giggles “We are in public” Giggles “Let’s do it later” Giggles.

The cab driver had been eyeing them for the weird things that Minhyun has been mumbling. The younger kept on saying sorry to the cab driver. After 30minutes, they arrived at Jaehwan’s apartment. It’s smaller than Daniel’s since it’s a bachelor’s pad. His house is plain. You can’t even see anything related to Christmas.

“We’re home!” Jaehwan announced. Which made Minhyun’s face look sour. “But you live alone. This is not my home” Minhyun tried to get away from Jaehwan’s grip and sat at the sofa. “hmp!” The older rolled his eyes which made Jaehwan laugh hysterically. It’s how the 2years ago Minhyun will do.

Bright light spilled into the room, highlighting Minhyun's features. Jaehwan's eyes must've formed hearts because Minhyun stared back at him with a smile on his face. "Stunning, right?" Minhyun teased. "Oh shut up hyung," Jaehwan's cheeks turned bright red, "Just sit there and pray that I don't mess up the hangover soup I'll be making." Jaehwan bolted for the kitchen and almost tripped on his feet. Minhyun giggled at the sight of his dearly beloved. 

Minhyun straightened himself up, brushing off the dust on his clothes. His drunken facade quickly faded as he looked around the living room, scanning the picture frames that littered the surface of the apartment's cream-colored walls. The older observed the frames with such delight that made him look like a child watching his favorite TV show. His attention is suddenly caught by a peculiar-looking frame just a few inches above him. It was a picture of him and Jaehwan some years ago. Minhyun's lip twisted into a smile, his eyes resembling that of a euphoric fox. Warmth flooded his body, flowing through every blood vessel in his body. 

His smile quickly faded when he heard footsteps coming from the kitchen. He rushed back to the sofa and pretended to be drunk again. A second or two passed and a worried Jaehwan is what meets Minhyun's eyes. The younger also changed into pink pajamas. The younger who was carrying a steaming bowl of soup walked toward the older, holding the bowl with both of his hands. The younger sat beside the older and held a spoonful of soup for the older. The steam coming from the bowl tickles Minhyun's mouth, urging it to open.

"Hyung, why did you drink?" Jaehwan's voice was laced with apparent concern. "I thought you didn't like alcohol..." Jaehwan continued. Jaehwan managed to elicit only a giggle from Minhyun. "Hyung! Answer me. Why did you drink?" Minhyun flashed Jaehwan a toothy grin before answering. "Because I love you." Jaehwan, flustered, slapped Minhyun's shoulder as he continued to giggle like a child. Jaehwan sighed as he set the bowl of soup on the nearest table, trying to wrap his head around Minhyun's answer that totally didn't answer his question. "I guess it's time to get you to bed."

Jaehwan, who is definitely not capable of lifting Minhyun, put Minhyun's arm on his shoulder to support him. The trip to the bedroom felt like an eternity to Jaehwan as he had to literally drag Minhyun, who was blurting out whatever came across his mind, across the floor because he didn't want to walk. _This is definitely not Minhyun hyung. He's so different when he's drunk!_ , Jaehwan thought. 

Jaehwan was having an internal arguement whether he should get Minhyun a change of clothes or not. Jaehwan's eyes shifted anxiously from Minhyun to the pajamas he's holding and back. Jaehwan's forehead was sweaty and he already popped a boner but he wouldn't tell Minhyun that. Ultimately, his ~~lust~~ desire to genuinely help Minhyun got the best of him and decided to change Minhyun's clothes. _He seems to be asleep and besides, I wouldn't do anything Seongwu would definitely do._ The younger thought. Jaehwan's hands shakily undid the buttons of Minhyun’s button up shirt. The first sight that welcomes Jaehwan is Minhyun's milky white chest and abs; his well-built chest and striking, toned abs. Jaehwan's mouth went agape at the sight of perfection. His eyes blinked and jumped from one place to another. He shakes his head in the hopes of shaking all the dirty thoughts off his mind. "I just need to change his clothes. That's all, nothing different." Jaehwan reminds himself. 

Taking his shirt off was already hard enough for the red-cheeked man, taking his pants off, however, is way difficult. Jaehwan's adam's apple bobbed as he slowly removed the belt, his hands carefully undid the button, and unzipped his jeans. Sweat beaded his forehead and trickled down his fluffy cheeks as he gazed at Minhyun lying on his bed. Jaehwan's heart was beating hard that he thinks he could hear it. "Ah no Jaehwan! Control yourself!" Jaehwan scolded himself. Jaehwan quickly dressed up the man and was soon clothed in white silk pajamas that Jaehwan was actually planning to wear. 

Jaehwan wiped the sweat off his forehead and a sigh of relief left his mouth, his still quivering lips turned into a different shade because Jaehwan kept biting it to help keep him sane. Jaehwan sat on the bed, his feet flat on the floor, and eyes straight into nothingness. 

The sudden warmth brought by Minhyun's arms wrapped around his waist made Jaehwan squeal in protest. "Hyung! What are you doing?!" Jaehwan's voice went an octave higher. "Marry me, Jaehwan-ah." Whispered Minhyun with his honey voice, his head placed in the area between the younger's neck and shoulder. Minhyun fell back to the bed, seemingly asleep. Jaehwan started to wonder if Minhyun only drank this night but what troubled Jaehwan more is a certain memory from the past. Minhyun told him that before but what he did is push him away- something he totally regrets now. His eyes dart to Minhyun, lying on his bed, his sheets were crinkled and his comforter was sprawled on the bed, covering only half of Minhyun's body. A tear formed in the edge of Jaehwan's eye as he inched closer to Minhyun. He ran a hand through Minhyun's black hair, the voice of the man before him echoed in his mind, running across its confines. He held the hand of the older, who still seemed to be asleep, sharing his warmth as his tears ran down his cheeks. 

"I'm so sorry, h-hyung." Jaehwan's voice broke as he tried to get the words out. It felt as if a hand was squeezing his heart. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you," he whispered to the air between them "I-i only did that because I was scared that you'll leave me. You were too good for me, oh wait, you still are." Jaehwan's body shook as he sobbed silently. A hand was pressed to his chest, trying to calm himself down. He could taste his own tears as they trailed from his glassy eyes. "I was too scared. Too scared. And I'm a fool for doing all that. I regret it all. I really do. I took this chance because I felt like this would be the only time I could fix things, to patch everything up. After all these years, I love you still. I really do. If I could only turn back time and treat you better..." Warm tears still flowed from his bloodshot eyes, his hands were balled into fists on his thighs, trying to hold back his tears. 

He felt Minhyun's hand carress his, trying to comfort him. Minhyun propped himself on the headboard, shot a glance laced with evident worry, and wrapped the young man in his arms. Jaehwan couldn't help but let his tears fall, shaking and sobbing in Minhyun's arms. Minhyun ruffled Jaehwan's hair, pressing his lips onto his temple. "It's okay, Jaehwan." He whispered into the younger's ears. They both pull away and Minhyun kisses Jaehwan's forehead and kisses away his salty tears. "That's enough crying, okay?" Minhyun gently held Jaehwan's hand, who answered with a sob. "But I still don't get why you thought I would leave you. I would never leave you. You're all I ever wanted. No matter how much time has passed, it's still your name that's tattooed on my heart. It's still your name that I call in my dreams. It's still your name that's engraved in this brain of mine. It's still your name that I would never get tired of saying. It's still you, Jaehwan." The younger beamed at what the older had said, his ears perked up and his eyes twinkled. "Hyung, without you, I felt empty. I was like a dog without a bone. Losing you was such a painful experience for me. It was as if the world lost color. Everything became dull. The moments I would spend alone felt like torture to me, my heart painfully ached for you yet I couldn't bring myself to talk to you because I wanted you to be with someone be-" Jaehwan was cut off when Minhyun suddenly kissed him, his tongue urging Jaehwan's mouth to open. Jaehwan's lips part and their tongues meet. Jaehwan closed his eyes as Minhyun's kiss filled him with the urge to never pull away. Minhyun pulled away first, leaving Jaehwan breathless and gasping for air. "For me, there's no one better than you." Minhyun whispers in Jaehwan's ear.

Jaehwan felt his body heat up, the sorrow in his eyes quickly turned into lust. Jaehwan's mind was clouded by lust, every single one of his thoughts disintegrated into ashes, which piled up together and turned into a single thought- to do nasty things to his hyung. Minhyun tackled Jaehwan and playfully bit his ear, eliciting a moan from him. Minhyun's arms were wrapped around Jaehwan, his tongue made its way to the younger's earlobe and licked it. Jaehwan's body jerked as Minhyun continued to bite his ear, his hands flew to Minhyun's back, tracing his curved spine. 

Jaehwan could feel all of his blood rush south, his member hardened and throbbed every time Minhyun pinched his nipples. Minhyun spread Jaehwan's legs, placing them right above his legs outstreched in a V. He shifted in order to get closer to the younger. His hard dick rubbed against Jaehwan's, sending electrifying jolts down Minhyun's spine. The older continued to rub his dick against the younger, the friction caused their dicks to throb in unison. Minhyun's head cranked upward, licked his plump lips and picked up the pace. Jaehwan's eyes were glazed over, his thoughts ran wild in his head. Jaehwan's eyes rolled back as saliva ran down his chin. His body spasmed as the pace got faster. Breathy moans left the mouths of both men, their curses bounced off the walls and into their ears, driving them hornier. The older's hands found the younger's and held them tight. Jaehwan's mouth was agape as his every thought exploded into white, a familiar sensation began to unfurl in his stomach, and his legs began to shake. "Ah fuck!" A string of curses found its way out of the younger's mouth, prompting the older to kiss the younger, his tongue touching every single crevice in the younger's mouth, savoring his saliva and draining his sanity. Jaehwan's moans were stuck in his throat and Minhyun pushed it down farther. Jaehwan's temperature rose, sweat trailed down his face, and his dick throbbed in excitement. Jaehwan released his moans in Minhyun's mouth as his manhood released his cum, staining his pink pajamas. A wet spot in Jaehwan's crotch area was visible, cum dripping from the said spot, painting it a darker shade of pink. Jaehwan's legs still shook, obviously couldn't handle the intensity. Minhyun pulled away and admired the masterpiece that is Kim Jaehwan. He watched the rise and fall of Jaehwan chest, the thin layer of sweat coating his forehead that made it shine, his red lips, his flushed cheeks, and his wet pants. Minhyun licked his lips, thinking of what they'll be doing the whole night. "You look so beautiful, Jaehwan." Minhyun teases the younger who was taking deep and heavy breaths under him. 

Minhyun puts both of his hands on the space near Jaehwan's sides and peppered his neck with soft kisses. He kneeled in front of Jaehwan and grabbed his pants, pulled them down to reveal Jaehwan's gray underwear. It’s front was drenched with fresh cum, the scent wafted around the room, fueling the desires of both men. Minhyun licked Jaehwan's right thigh, causing the younger to jolt. "Ah don't do that hyung!" Jaehwan shouts. "But you seem to really like it. I can see that your lovely dick hardened right after I licked your thigh." Minhyun teased, tracing a finger along the entirety of Jaehwan's length. A moan left Jaehwan's mouth, intensifying the lust Minhyun is feeling. Jaehwan's legs lock Minhyun in place, in an attempt to keep him from going any further.

"But don't you want me to get to what's under your stained underwear?" Jaehwan bit his lips and shook his head. "Really? But when I do this, you seem to really like it." His finger traced along Jaehwan's dick, driving him crazier. Jaehwan's mind went blank, his eyes were clouded with lust, he couldn't think straight, but he loved it. He loves how vulnerable Minhyun made him. He loves it so much it scared him. Minhyun took the opportunity and licked Jaehwan's still covered dick, tasting his warm cum. "Ah Minhyun hyung! I fucking love that!" Jaehwan blurted out. Minhyun giggled. "Do you want me to do that again? Huh?" Jaehwan quickly nodded. "What do you want me to do again?" Minhyun teasingly asked him. 

"P-please lick my... my..." 

"Use your words, baby." 

"P-please lick my dick."

"What is it again?" Minhyun carressed Jaehwan's cheek, pressing a thumb against the pinkish skin. 

"Hyung, please. Just lick it-no. Please suck me instead." Jaehwan pleaded, his swollen lips still parted.

"Very well." Minhyun replied with a big smile on his face.

Minhyun's hands ran across Jaehwan's thighs, his nails tracing patterns on the soft skin. Minhyun licked Jaehwan's length through his underwear, causing the younger to throw in place and let out a loud moan. Minhyun teasingly placed a finger on the head of Jaehwan's dick and traced a circle on it. Minhyun watched Jaehwan writhe in pleasure, his fingers placed in his mouth to muffle his moans. Minhyun began to pull the underwear off, the sight of Jaehwan lovely dick made his lips quiver in anticipation. "You look so beautiful, my love." Minhyun complimented the flustered younger man. Minhyun stripped his clothes off, starting from his top. The buttons gave way to his white chocolate abs, his built chest, and hard pinkish nipples. Minhyun stuffs his top in Jaehwan's mouth, to keep him from spilling all of his moans. "I don't want anyone to hear your beautiful moans." Minhyun whispered in Jaehwan's ear and licked his earlobe. Minhyun also took his bottoms off, revealing his milk white thighs, and pinkish knees. The sight of Jaehwan panting on the bed drove Minhyun crazy. Minhyun touched himself, one hand stroking his cock while one hand was pinching his rock-hard nipples. "Do you like what you're seeing?" Minhyun asked. A muffled yes came Jaehwan's reply and Minhyun let out a chuckle. Minhyun's hands flew to Jaehwan wrists and held them glued to the bed. 

Minhyun easily took the entire length in, his tongue circled around the head, savoring the cum that was left there. Jaehwan's dick disappeared into Minhyun's warm mouth, the balled up top in his mouth was drenched in saliva, muffling all his moans. Minhyun's head bobbed up and down, making the lustiest sounds he's ever heard. Minhyun lets go of Jaehwan's dick, before his gag reflex settled in, with a loud audible pop. He flicked his tongue around the tip, licking the slit and collecting the precum that has gathered there. Minhyun closed his eyes as Jaehwan's dick was battered by his hyung's continuous licks. The older grabbed the younger's manhood and pumped it a few times as Jaehwan bucked against his hand. Minhyun took in Jaehwan's length again, hollowing his cheeks and sucking harder. Jaehwan's hands, which broke free of Minhyun's restrains, flew to to the older's ruffled hair. He pushed Minhyun's head down and pulled it up, his dick going in and out of his lover's mouth. Minhyun flicked his wrists at the base of Jaehwan's dick, feeding the intense fire burning inside Jaehwan. Jaehwan removed the gag in his mouth and threw it to his nightstand. Jaehwan could feel the familiar sensation burning at the pit of his stomach, he closed his eyes and bucked his hips up, his ass suspended in the a air a few centimeters above the bed. Jaehwan continued to ravage Minhyun's mouth until he gagged, Minhyun's hands tapped on his thighs, begging him to let him break free. Minhyun's mouth was filled with white juices that came out of Jaehwan.

Before the older swallowed the sweet juice from the younger, he spitted a few of them on his palm. He used Jaehwan’s juice to loosen his hole. “Let me help you” The younger uttered. The older was hesitant but the younger was persistent. Jaehwan started with one finger, then he added another one. The older started wincing. It has been 2 years since the last time he had some action. So it hurted the same time when they first did it. “Does it hurt?” The younger was worried. “It has been a while but it’s fine.” The younger added another finger and fasten his pace. Making the older moan lustily. The older couldn’t take it anymore and stopped the younger from fingering him. “Jaehwan, put it inside me, please”

“But you are—“

“Please”

The older pleaded, and the look on his hyung’s face made it hard for Jaehwan to turn him down. “Condo—“

“It’s fine. We already did it without one!”

The younger agreed on doing it without protection. The older’s hole was tight as he wasn’t done with preparing his hyung yet. The tightness made it difficult for Jaehwan to enter his hyung. “Does it hurt?”

“No, just— Ahh!”

Jaehwan successfully entered his hyung and started with a slow pace. “Faster” The older requested. Jaehwan the good boy he is, followed his hyung and fasten his pace. He found the prostate of his Hyung and kept hitting there. “There” Moans of his Hyung started to fill the room. Jaehwan made sure that he will make his hyung feel good. The whole night was filled with their lust and desire.

“Hyung, you are not drunk, are you?”

Minhyun’s grasp on Jaehwan became tighter. “I wasn’t” The two just chuckled. Jaehwan did knew him well. “I’m so scared of losing you that I wasn’t scared of losing my job” Jaehwan said to his hyung. “What do you mean?”

“I got out of work without finishing the payroll. I’ll just figure out what I’ll do with it. I can’t afford to lose you again”

And that was the most peaceful night Jaehwan, and Minhyun had after 2 years of being apart.

**Author's Note:**

> [ 보고싶다
> 
> Note: It’s either I want to see you/ I miss you but more leaning onto I want to see you]
> 
> If you guys would have noticed this was one of the Christmas fic that I wrote last December, I wasn’t able to finish it and I am still not satisfied how I ended this one. I’m trying to get over my slump. ㅠㅠㅠ And thanks to Joshua for the smut part. I really can’t do smut ㅎㅎㅎㅎ


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